I’ve never had an article on my blog make so much discussion on my facebook wall. I’ve spent too much time building the proper phrasing “Transfiguring Inertia” (thanks Carrie.) – having some sort of heat seeking missile like need to make sure that I got the process that I was going to discuss today perfected with a name that suited it.
So, if you’ve not figured out, I’m working out how new relationships go. and in the course of these fancy human events, I started thinking about the movie, “Someone Like You”, where Ashley Judd finds herself in and out of relationships and creating this bitter theory of men and cows and how men change through a relationship and move onto greener pastures.
Today’s article isn’t going to go that way, but in fact, evolve us into a much different (and happier) path.
Enter in my new term – Transfiguring Inertia.
The Merriam Webster dictionary cites “Transfiguring” to be the act of change in form or appearance, and more importantly, an exalting, glorifying or spiritual change.
Additionally, Newton’s First Law, explaining inertia, as given by “The Physics Classroom” is stated “An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.”
So, then enter my coffee stained brain, and what I came up with is that Transfiguring Inertia (heretofore known as “TI”) is the act of a relationship going through change of both parties involved unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.
Let’s just admit it…I suck at dating. I don’t play games, I’m an insanely direct person, I’m inquisitive to a point of perhaps bludgeoning someone to death with questions and I’m not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. We all have our idiosyncracies that when we slam up against someone else’s (prepare yourself for this grammatical ditty) idiosyncratic profile, we have to see what shakes out. and that my friends, is where chemistry abounds.
So, you’re feet first into coupledom and now all of a sudden one’s vulnerabilities at “getting things right and working” in one direction fall hazardously prey to mixing up what you want, what they want and what the relationship collectively needs. and if by some strange and fancy odds that starts baking up into some amazing cake of affection, then you’re building momentum.
It’s at some point, you hit a speed at which things start to move autonomously on their own. You both get who brushes their teeth at what sink, who’s a morning person (who’s definitely not), when to feed them a banana, when to sidestep their question and most officially, when it’s totally okay to tell them that their Uggs are…ugly.
This my friends, is achieving TI. The point at which the symphony of our daily life melds with the other person’s and you look up days or weeks or months later and go, “Wow, I didn’t realize that we were existing in each other’s presence for this amount of time and everything is going…smashingly well.”
Sure, then there’s that…um…unbalanced force part. (Damn you universe and your curve balls.) You know, where inertia is disrupted by some new fact or action. Like when one snaps at something and says things they shouldn’t have said, or conversely (and more positively speaking) one uses “our” instead of “my”. Respectively, these things can redirect the speed or direction of TI in a way that derails or strengthens the relationship.
When you happen to be the driver at the helm of a negative force, it’s probably best you drive back to the path you were on when things were in equilibrium. Say you’re sorry. Make amends get back to smiling. Learn from it. Hug, kiss, and laugh again. Quickly.
On the other hand, if you’re going to redirect the path on a positive note, then prepare yourself for that awkward (but good) moment where your road has to recorrect it’s trajectory. It happens, and this growth while sometimes uncomfortable is what propels you forward again. (You mean you don’t actually wear make up 24-hrs a day? Men belch out loud? GASP! The shock and awe!)
With time though, bobbing along on an upwardly fixated path is what’s optimal. The ability to resolve conflict quickly and to grow together through interests, emotional bond and friendship continues the relationship in a way that makes it effortless. I think effortless is what we’re all looking for.
Sure, it’s a romantic thought to consider a man climbing mountains and chasing his partner and all of her feminine wiles to the four corners of the Earth a heroic fairy tale. But it’s not what humans strive for – and personally, I don’t want to cause the man in my life to sweat it out – but rather, together, to create comfort and a “home” with each other that we are both overjoyed to live our lives in.
So why the hell am I writing this entry today? I have absolutely no idea. To justify the idea that I get it. Perhaps to celebrate living in the moment, finding some inertia and the happiness of the ride I’m currently on. To hope that you’re finding the same. To label something that I’ve been thinking about for awhile, and to be able to file things under it. To give you (that is, if you’re still reading my delicious babble, my invisible internet friends) some thoughts on where you may be in your own situation and determine whether or not to press on, or in fact, find other pastures.
Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. Yes readers, there is someone out there for you. I hope you find yourself riding the rollercoaster (or carousel or road trip or avalanche) of all this soon if that’s what blows your skirt up. It’s a wonderful symphony to be a part of – to play, to conduct and to listen to. I’m enjoying it immensely.
xx. Love and Other Things.