Okay, dating month theme has completely fallen off the rails. I’ll bring it back when my heart is into it. Sorry to get you excited. But then again, sorry I’m not sorry.
As friends of mine who introduced me to this musician call him, “The Reverend” Paul Thorn was talking to me this morning. His song, “What Have You Done to Life Somebody Up?” really just came home today.
I’m pretty good at saying yes to everything. I’m pretty good at getting things done. I’m pretty good at annoying people with my enthusiasm to want to make the situation a better one with any idea in my toolbox.
So. After a trying week of most everything. I’m feeling not so great about myself. I wish I could throw the self-loathing confetti and get the pity punch flowing, but I’m just too tired or exhausted to fight my own fight any more.
Lots of good ideas have seen the death of their gusto and go-get-em enthusiasm this week. Here I sit, Monday, after ten days of blech now. There have been good moments, but then, I rise up, and get smashed down again. So here I sit, coffee in hand, still wondering how I can help others.
I want to not feel that feeling any more. You know, the drive and flame to succeed and challenge, to make better, to lift up others.
So this morning, I’ve already done the following with my 15 minute coffee break. Sent 5 emails containing Thank Yous, You’re Awesomes and Can’t Believe You Achieved Thats. Bought two small things on the internet who are going to make other people’s lives instantly a little happier. I’ve written myself a note and then promptly thrown it away that everything is ok.
Weird? Probably. But giving happiness to others fuels mine. But. In this dark moment, I want someone to want to lift me up too. I feel like that house on balloons in the movie UP! but need all them right now. With that sort of force from the right people.
Who are the right people? Heck. I want it to be all the amazing people who are trying right to help me put life together and become positive again. But then, the human, wants it to be the wrongers who wronged. How long will it take to accept that it ain’t gonna happen. Cause it ain’t.
Do I wait for karma or Jesus or timing? Do I just give up hope on the good vs. bad of the world? Meh. I don’t care anymore. I just don’t. But I do.