Resolution Check: How I Did and What I’m Gonna Do

Yeah, so that would be number one, that I totally threw out the original goals. I got married, I changed my life, I everything. When all of that happened, and being hit with selling a home and a new name and a life completely different than the one I started the year with, then I felt it necessary to revisit what I said, and start over.

1. I will be completing a photo journal rather than a written journal this year. I did complete this and it’s being printed. It will be fun to look at what day-to-day life was like rather than “just” the special events that we went to and enjoyed. I already had a giggle when I was proofing it online.

2. I have two books – an autobiography and a recipe book as well as a photo book that I’m trying to finish. And I finished both of them as well as the cookbook with my grandmother’s pictures. I’m having to say DONE! on this one as well as feeling like I really went above and beyond where I thought I would.

3. Gym. Oh fail. I’ve put on weight. I cannot get rid of it. Stress and anxiety at work, at conceiving, at everything. Comfort food eater, right here. and hating that. I miss the success of an hour at the gym or after a good run. For the past weeks it’s been nothing but event after event and while I’ve had plenty of fun, it’s time to redirect so the stress buildup diminishes.

4. Disneyworld. Seattle. Barcelona. A beautiful cabin in North Texas at Christmas. Next year we’re considering Austin, San Francisco, Pittsburgh and London for Christmas. Oh yeah, and one of those kid things. Paris is still in the works, we’re talking like Italy and Paris will be in 2016, but let’s be honest, Italy deserves it’s own trip and I want to be in Paris on my 40th.

5. Louboutins have been purchased. And now they’ve been worn. Check out those puppies. I wore them to the Inaugural Gala of the NOMADS in February. So it was not only a great happy-birthday-to-me gift, but it felt good to get that one down on film! These guys are a hoot to hang with, and the black tie event was a first for Ray and I. Enjoyed thoroughly – even danced …in public. Don’t tell the other guys.  DONE!!

6. My blog. I know. I know. Admittedly it’s not been from lack of energy, but more from being scared to write and say what I feel. Paranoia slides in when folks shake your character and soul up. now I’m back. Treading lightly, but I need to write, it’s good for my guts. I’m getting stronger and more brave. It feels to go let out into the ether what I’m feeling and gather feedback and ideas. It feels good.

7. Make my own snow globe. Done. I’ve done it. I done that. Craft-free? Nah. I still have plenty to do. I’m doing our own custom tree topper. I still have to repair my custom school-colored support overalls. I need to finish the maxi dress I’m sewing and fix my swing dress from it’s horrible stain (let’s pray e-how is correct on how to spot treat a stain with bleach)…then I have made an apron for homecoming mum making next year. Plus I did some darning. Then I started our Christmas ornaments for the white tree I was challenged with next year. I also” needed” to paint a light-up puppy dog for Christmas. Plus for funsies, let’s add on a Mrs. Claus fascinator for the upcoming student Christmas party. I just can’t help but overload myself. Sigh. Hobby Lobby, I heart you.

8. Oh yeah. I sold my house. And I got married. And we threw a small family reception this summer.. I think next year’s resolution is finding peace and learning how to relax. I fear these things are not in my make up. How can I find zen if I feel on pins when I sit still?

So what’s up for 2015 you ask?

2015 Resolutions

1) Lady being as an art form needs to happen. Somewhere last year I just gave up – stress too much, energy too little, and somewhere in betwixt house selling, house looking, house making, marriage, reception, trips, football season and all the rest, well. I forgot about me. Sometimes literally. I can shop like a fiend but I forgot to put together an outfit or how to do (or maintain) my hair and face. I feel like I aged last year, despite it being one of the happiest. I did gain 20 lbs since the wedding, and as you’ll read later, trying for kids would merit a fit mom-to-hopefully-be. I can’t swing dance anymore, it just doesn’t fit our schedule, but I can find a hobby, and some me time. I need to reestablish a set of girlfriends and make time for what’s important. A rejigging of my priorities is in order. Mostly because last year, my husband became a priority, and he should be. Our family-ness is important, and I respect our bond so much that sometimes having to remake things again is what needs done in order to give focus to him and us.

2) Continue to strengthen my relationship with my husband. It’s a sad place where this thought came from, but you know House of Cards? (If you don’t, do, because love love.). The Underwoods, who the show centers around, are quite the snarky, malicious, freakshow couple. That said, I envy their tradition of smoking together outside of their apartment window. I also love the romantic notion of the written word. My husband has been writing me cards for a few weeks now, and it makes my day. Last year on the last day of our honeymoon, I asked each of us to write a letter to the other for the next year. I plan on keeping that same pattern this year on that day. Hopefully 25 years from now, we’ll have a book of love letters to pass on to our kids about how amazingly strong we were through all of this rollercoaster called marriage. Given that we may need something to write about, my husband continues to press on for dancing lessons, and recently suggested pottery – I definitely wanted to have a shared interest that would be ours (not his nor mine in origin) and also opens us up for meeting new people and taking on new experiences. That said, we continue to want to be social with all of our friends and family, so we’re planning several dinners and parties that we keep telling folks we’re going to try and do. That said, we’re trying, not everything will succeed…I gotta remember that.

3) Our family. Parenthood. Yep, we’re doing that. Nope, I’m not going to post the details. But we’re trying. As you’ve seen from a few posts, there’s emotional ups and downs and sideways to this process. If anything, I’m grateful to have a place to vent and discuss and hopefully gather feedback and tips and tricks (hey, hey now.) to this whole thing called becoming a Mom. This has been a dream of mine for longer than I can remember. About five minutes after I wanted to be married, I wanted to be a parent. Give or take a second. Ever the basher of my own optimism, asking myself a lot if it will “ever” happen, and this road we take will be telling of my and our strength..

4) Let’s make this a sentimental journey shall we? I want to install some family traditions this year. I’ve taken advantage that it’s our first year and figured if I go whole hog on a good handful of family traditions, that a few good ones will stick around for the long haul. Up above you saw the idea of a honeymoon-anniversary letter. We are also collecting glass plates from a wonderful place we found in Seattle, who just “happened” to design them for the hotel we stayed in Vegas when we got married. Also, our first Christmas card went out this year, I’ve learned my lesson on small text, but think that an infographic type will be cool to watch grow with the years, what do you think? We talked about how to make sure we have two active days (all day hikes, bikes, something moving!) and two lazy lazy couch surfing days together each month. I don’t know how to quite plan that yet, but I think just putting a date on the calendar and enforcing it as a family rule will be needed. I want rest just as much as I want to move, and sometimes the mental destressing of both inaction and action is forgotten in our day to day errand and event filled weekends. I think actively making sure we do both will insure more balance rather than the feast or famine that sometimes leads to anger. And finally, I would like to impose a Sunday Dinner. Call me 1950s all you want, but I want my family at the table on a Sunday. Sure, friends and family can join, and sometimes not, but I want my Sunday dinner on my table.

5) Crafts are back in full force this year. Sir LAA will attest to seeing many painted and stitched and glued craziness over the holiday break. Yep, and I know, I wanted to list things now so that I stick to a boundary and tell myself, and my Hobby Lobby shopping demon, “No”. So this year, I’d like to try to finish the two wreaths that I have for the silent auction. I’d also like to learn arm knitting, as I think this will be similar to looming and twice as fun during marching band season. As mentioned earlier, I’m working on that infographic for our Christmas card and need to gather my creativity. Also, my fabulous partner in crime and I will be making tree skirt skirts and ugly sweaters for Christmas. I also want to attempt a version of a nice Christmas sweater…if that makes sense? Also, at Renaissance Festival last year, the mister and I took quite kindly to steampunk fashion. I’m sorry readers, for I have sinned, I pinterested it. And then I shopped it. and dear lordy lord, there are so many good things to make. So for now, I’ll just say “Steampunk Stuff” and leave it at that. I know, I’m already out of hand. Then, if we’re really lucky, maybe Baby crafts: booties, onesies, pennants, you know…that. But for now, we’ll just pray for something soon.

6) Volunteerism. I still want to help others. I feel like what I did last year didn’t help in a lot of cases. In fact, I feel like a burden that I even stepped in sometimes. I need to learn how to not interrupt I suppose. So one, not interrupt. But two, learn how to give where I’m wanted. So this year, I’d like to start picking up a canned good or boxed toy here and there and make sure that I spread the giving through the year. I’m also working on a few things for Sir LAA that I hope are helpful, and as I help him out using my talents, I hope it pays off in a few great events that make his vision come alive. Outside of that, perhaps it’s time…to start…

7) Saying no. Yep. It’s become necessary. Saying no to shopping after I have a completely full closet – which I’m cleaning this weekend and trying to take a lot of gratefulness away from the idea that I own more than I should and can do just fine without all that even have now. I cannot find a perfect life or solution to a stressful situation on a rack or website and need to stop it. Also, I need to start saying “no” to the places that I’m not valued. That means several things to me. I can only press so much, so if I’ve pressed a few times and I’m not getting response in kind. I’m more enthusiastic, and need to let it fall off my list. Additionally, I need to start to be aware when folks are using me vs when I’m joining an enthusiastic and open group. I need to cut the places where drama do not serve me, where rough feelings and negative emotions start to hurt my own self esteem and hurt who I am. I refuse to stay where I am not wanted, but I’m also going to be aware where my skills aren’t needed because drama takes the place of true kindness and generosity of spirit. Finally, I need to prioritize and decide what is important, truly and utterly important, and what is a “nice to do”, and make sure that when I decide to spend my time somewhere, that I spend it wisely.

8) Scribbling is still my passion. I still love writing. I’ve continued the blog, despite it being spotty, it wasn’t from not wanting to write. Work really took over the fourth quarter and things had to go. That said, I still want to blog, and perhaps even take it a step farther. I’m planning on designing and executing a digital magazine. More details are left to be hashed out, but the more I think about it and the more ideas I get, the more exciting it feels. Watch this space, I hope I can follow through. It sounds so daunting right now. Other writing projects include a poetry book of about 100 poems and sketches that I do a la my idol Shel Silverstein. Finally, a kid-friendly series of Learn-Your-Shapes, Numbers and Colors books will be in my future. I’m rather excited to have the husband work a Saturday or two in order for me to set up these projects and knock out some fun things and see where they may take me. Self publishing is on the rise, perhaps 2016 will hold that endeavor to be judged and put my writing skills to the test. Here’s to being brave.