I’m Nowhere Near Weight Loss

I’m still 50 lbs away from my wedding weight. 23 away from my pre-pregnancy weight. and 6 lbs away from 200 lbs, which every morning I get up and see that scale and want to cry.

I drink coffee and have a diet breakfast sandwich for lunch. I eat a salad or lean cuisine for lunch. I work out for 30 minutes 4 times a week on an elliptical. Dinner is pretty normal.

Even for me, losing nothing over 6 weeks, that’s too much.

I’m weighed down – literally, emotionally, existentially, figuratively, whatever – and every time I put on an outfit, order something and it doesn’t fit right, and well, enter my closet in general, I just fall apart.  I’m so tired of feeling like I don’t have a worth as a woman, let alone being attractive. I went to an event last night with Ray. I couldn’t get over how large I was in the mirror. I can’t get over how much I count calories, how starving I am, and unsatisfied with everything I feel.

I feel like I’m disappointing everyone. I don’t look right, feel right and apparently I’m not doing it right. I hate this. I hate it. I hate it.