40.

I’m reading the book “Half Time” by Bob Buford. Admittedly, as much as I probably need to hear some of this book, I’m lamenting the fact that I just turned 40 and don’t want to. Asking me to take stock and determine what the rest oft his road means to me is all too morbid.

When you combine that with the idea that too many of my friends have cancer, and are being challenged to put their own mirrors up in front of their own mortality way too early, I certainly don’t like “adulting” and being told what to do and when to do it.

40 still seems so young to me. But when I consider I’m already halfway to 80, it already makes me feel like I’m 60 if you can do the math there. I’m strung out in a million directions at the moment – trying to rock my career as a numbers geek, juggling my band directors wife life, wanting to craft and write and super mom my way to an Academy Award made of playdough and paperclips.

So here’s this lovely little space. I’m at least trying to recognize it takes me mere minutes to record some thoughts here from time to time. It doesn’t take me launching a branding campaign – it doesn’t take me trying to boil the ocean. It’s just a blog, like so many of my 90s brethren started just to mark their space on the fancy interwebs.

So let me try it again.

It’s 2019, and I want to write a novel. I want to travel. I want to play the piano for at least one song well. I’d like to lose 30 pounds and I’d like to feel young again. I’d like to conduct at least one of my husband’s concerts in my life time. I still want to leave my mark on the world. I”m in this shell of a human being – I promise. What’s going to get me going again?

Answer back world. xoxo.