Blessed yet Stressed

Dear Lord,

Today was not my day. I realize that in the scheme of things, I’ve had plenty of days that were perfectly satisfactory, and even a pretty durn good fair share of great days…but today…wasn’t it.

I realize in these days, I’m supposed to learn something. Grace. Patience. Or even that it’s okay to not be okay.

I spent all night with a Great Dane who had….let’s be nice and call them “stomach issues”…everywhere. On the wall Lord. On. The. Wall. But God bless my husband who helped clean it up with me at 12:30am. You know, the time where the day literally just started. But now, Thank you God, she seems like she’s going to be okay. So thank you for saving me the stress of going to the vet, much less the monetary heft of a bill like that. and of course, thank you for letting our furry baby be okay, because I love her so much.

Thank you God for my couch. For my orange tweed mod-60’s Mad Men looking couch that was my bed for most of the night. Thank you for The Office, that I watched in and out of fitfuls of sleep while I worried and took care of aforementioned beloved canine. Thank you for my job to wake up to at 5:30am.

Thank you God for “A”, who I taught at 7:00 am at work. He’s new, and he’s kind and it was nice to “meet” albeit during quarantine and on the phone, another morning person. Because today Lord, I needed to know the kindness of strangers before the next mishap began.

Lord. Thank you for the strength to stand up for myself with grace and respectful dignity. Thank you for letting me see that my passive aggressive workmate changed things without my permission. Thank you for the work peer who helped me see that I was not being rude, but that this person was. Sometimes I’m too harsh on myself when I’m not being 100% cheerful. Thank you for the strength to speak up for myself, to let me say my peace (Amen!) and hopefully continue the good work I’ve been doing and loving as a result of the gifts you’ve given me to do this work.

Thank you for the stock market today. For the oil price. For a little more “up” than down. I realize these facts and figures aren’t something you want us to set our souls on, but it does give me peace when jobs and people and markets and economy aren’t stressed. Please give peace to those who are stressed – as you know there are a great many. I know I’m personally trying to turn to You, less to the external. Please continue to turn my soul towards You. Your peace is all-encompassing.

I appreciate that moment today when my boss wrote asking me for my insights. I totally forgot that they wanted a summary each time I turned some work in. I felt like a royal idiot. But I had insights, I said I was sorry and I did it immediately. But thanks for inspiring me to go back through my sent emails and realize this one oversight was one in a few dozen other things I’ve already gotten right this week, so I don’t obsess. Also, thank you for my coworker who told me “we are all getting used to new normals, be easy on yourself.” when I fretted about this. Also, thank you for a boss who knows I need to how I did truthfully. Like constantly. or I worry. Also, thank you for having her call me so I could follow up after and apologize.

Thank you Lord for my friends who are reaching out. Thank you for the food in our fridge and our dinner on the table. Thank you for the simple things like listening to Grey’s Anatomy on tv as “noise” rather than silence. Thank you for my sister and parents who are calling and texting more than ever. Thank you for the beautiful raindrops lately, they are so comforting. Thank you for our backyard that we just finished up before quarantine, it’s a respite that has paid off in spades. Thank you for my kid who runs into my home office each morning and hugs me up or brings me a drawing. Thank you for my husband who makes my lunch and coffee without being asked. For these priceless things, these simple gifts are gifts of all this crazy that move me to tears. I am so very blessed by what You have already provided me.

I am sorry that I snapped at that husband today in a whirlwind of overwhelming stress. I am sorry that I got confused about a few things today. I am sorry that not everything was perfect and I’m hoping that you grant me the serenity to not beat myself up about it. Thank you for everything you provide us, and thank you for your support of us, especially in this time of uncertainty.

Amen.

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