Still Here. Still Home.

Sorry, had to take a little mental floss detour. Work and home life have been a bit too much to put into words. Though, on second thought, maybe that’s what I should have been doing all along. Taking the time for a time out.

I’m proud to report I finished a huge (biggest of my career perhaps?) project for work. Lots of data, lots of geekiness, and it all basically started day one of quarantine. So add that to the list – gargantuan data thingy.

Since I last wrote I’ve had a funk. We sadly had to lay to rest my oldest dog. The dog I had since I divorced who bridged me into the life I have now. While that was hard enough to watch myself, explaning what death really means to a little guy, that was even harder. How do you explain death is forever to someone who doesn’t understand quite the breadth of forever?

Then add in the idea that just before our own personal canine challenges started, George Floyd’s tragedy hit the world. George Floyd is from my hometown. The hometown where I was definitely the minority in my majority of a high school. The hometown where I have appreciated and loved the coat of many colors we wear as a community. I have always made sure we were blunt with our child about the world – but when he saw that sad picture – of a cop who forgot what he was, crushing a man who was begging for his life – my heart took a turn. I refuse to rant like many, even in my own space – but I will say this. I am glad to have understood the term “anti-racist” rather than “passively unaccepting” well before now. I am proud that we have actively taught our child that no matter what color, creed, belief system, preference and otherwise you are – you are human, and to love all. But now, in spite of all this effort, I have had to teach him that injustice is still rampant in the world – a lesson I wish I could have saved until later. Not because I turned a blind eye and didn’t believe it existed, but more so because I didn’t think, at his age, he needed to understand the extent that evil still exists in the world. Now, when he saw that photo – I explained even more death, even more evil, even more injustice.

Damn it people. It’s 2020. We are at home with a rampant virus. With a freaking tropical storm in the Gulf on day one of Hurricane season. With the threat of Yellowstone’s volcano erupting. With the government (finally!) copping to aliens. With the freaking murder hornets. and now, NOW, we’re going to rise up and let everyone remember that ignorant people still exist in this world. That was the straw for me. How hard is it – your skin, no matter what level of melatonin you claim…is SKIN. Even in these “unprecedented times” – how on EARTH does SKIN let you decide the make up of a person’s soul?

This little cartoon I’ve posted here is what has been going through my mind and keeping my heart on track. It’s just sad…for now. It’s not like I’m in the depths of despair, but I’m just sitting here reflecting on what we’re not seeing. There is a light at the end of these tunnels – of quarantine. of racism. of inequality in general. Some of those tunnels are longer than others, but I do have hope we will (all) see the light – come Jesus or high water.

Prayers for the many families who have been effected by all of this. Prayers for my hometown who is dealing with this tragedy. Prayers for those angry and peaceful protestors – I am sorry for your uncontrollable anger, I am humbled by your solidarity and ability to gather and show the world you deserve to be heard. I am only sorry that quarantine has kept me (personally) inside, though I am standing alongside you in spirit. I cannot breathe some days for the crazy this world has come to, but sadly, tragically, my breathing is symbolic of the frustrations and anger that many are feeling for many reasons right now – not because I”m being crushed by someone who took it upon themselves to judge me. Lastly, I pray and know that Big Floyd is walking the streets of Heaven, and I know he’s prayed for all of us – we are sad, for now. We will find a way out – together.

God bless everyone as you weather this. Stay safe.


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