To my Son, Love your Mother.

I’m writing this even though I’m not even late yet. But for those of you who know me, you know that I just couldn’t wait to write, but I had to wait to post. So, walk back with me about 3 months will ya?

Actually just me, your Mom, found out about you on January 19, 2015.

I remember peeing on the stick on a fluke.  I was already doing ovulation predictor kits and let’s just say the month was a bust. They were these “fancy” kind of tests that were supposed to tell you when your “sort of fertile” days as well as your “very fertile” days were.

Admittedly, they just completely wreck your need to pee in the morning. Get up, open a test while hopping up and down needing to go (RIGHT NOW!) and then of course, you sit there and pray to Jesus that it flashes (sort of) or is static (very!) and then you have to figure out how to be romantic that

evening without feeling forced, or tired, or somewhat hopleess with that what-if-something’s-wrong-and-I’m-never-gonna make this happen, feeling.

They say that, on average, it takes three months to make a baby. Well, you were bang, spot-on three months. Way to not frazzle my nerves too much. I will say though, back to that fluke peeing on a stick moment….I blinked when I saw the two lines that indicated pregnant.

I took the test because I figured, my temps were up, and the box was there, and why not? I have no idea why. It was three days before I would even be late. It wasn’t even a time I should have been considering

I was pregnant, since nothing that month had come up as fertile. I didn’t have the mucus, my temps were there, but odd. I was taking vitamins to help things, and I was sure they were wrecking my cycle, so I stopped them…only to realize that stopping them probably wrecked my cycle too.

Then little things started pulling at the curiosity in the back of my mind. I was really tired. My breasts were extremely tender (usually normal for PMS for me.) Then my nose was runny constantly. Then nauseous, just the tiniest bit, but not hungry like I usually am. It was just little things. Hindsight 20/20 and all, I should have known….

You’re going to be like me I think. Unpredictable and a force to be reckoned with. This little start in our lives proves it.

So there I was, staring at two lines. Then I grabbed another unused and ran it under water to make sure the line I was looking at wasn’t just a shadow.

Then I said it very succinctly, near silent, in the mirror that morning “I’m pregnant”. But I remember not wanting to smile, smiling to me meant it was true, and there were still so many unknowns and what ifs.

I posted the picture of the test I took on a website where other members could vote on the outcomes. You were 100% a positive (with one lazy “unsure” vote) according to the throngs of women who were out there. I figured 50 women weighed in, surely that many couldn’t be wrong.

After work I scrambled to the grocery store and bought 8 more tests.  I figured, back up information is power.  So, I waited a day. The next morning, I took another test.  There were those two lines again. This time, the line that indicates pregnancy is just a little.bit.pinker. So I got to work, called my doctor and they said to have a blood test done. That afternoon at the GP Doctor getting my blood done, the assistant walked in, looked at my picture and said, “Yeahhh, that’s pretty much a positive.” My heart just fluttered a bit. I wasn’t ready to believe.

It wasn’t that we didn’t want you. I wanted you so bad that I couldn’t believe it was happening. Up until now, the only feeling I can compare it to is when I got the job of my dreams and couldn’t believe they chose me.  Until you’re there on the first day sitting at your desk, it’s just not real.

But I digress. The assistant basically went on to say that those tests are over 99% accurate, and that I’m pretty much pregnant.

I took the blood test anyway.

Day three came, I took a third test in the morning, and those double lines came back with a darker venegeance. This time, undeniably, blood test still looming, I’m pretty sure you’re on your way.

Every emotion and fear and elation is running through me right now with extreme frenzied passion. Funny enough though, there’s this big coat of calm hugging me.

We got this, we got you, we’re a family.


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